I loved you
by Scandallover1
Summary: Becky could kill him. She could kill the leader of the free world , but he's not the target ... She is (I don't own Scandal)
1. Chapter 1

Hey guys, so this is just the first part of a two chapter story I'm doing about a different take on the shooting. Now please just read till the end of the chapter to see what happens. Thanks

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She stood in front of the large mirror in the closet of her bedroom. She could never get over this closet and how huge it was. It was a massive room bigger than their whole first apartment on Morgan Street. She ran her hand over the deep blue silk dress taking in every detail of it. It was a beautiful dress, probably one of the most beautiful she had ever worn. Her stylist had truly outdone herself. It was a special dress for a special occasion, her husband's 50th birthday Gala. He hadn't wanted a big party, but she had insisted, she needed this party, it was her chance. She turned her attention back to the dress as she traced the beading around the hem, it was such a shame such a beautiful dress would be ruined. They would cut it open when they were doing the C- section to save the baby. Ah the baby, the little boy kicking away inside of her. She smiled when she thought of him, she loved how innocent babies were, how they hadn't been exposed to the real world yet, how they hadn't realized that the silver lining can't distract from the darkness of the clouds. She had used to be like that, hopeful with big dreams for the future, until that night where everything changed. That part of her life, the joy the happiness, the optimism was gone, crushed by Big Jerry deciding that his 3 minutes of pleasure was worth her lifetime of pain. She didn't want to think about it, she never thought about it, that part of her life didn't exist, that chapter was closed never to be reopened. That had never happened to her , it would be very hard to forget something like that , you would have to go to deep dark places to forget that. She quickly pushed the thoughts out of her head as she turned her attention back to the mirror. She reached out and rested her hand on the glass staring at her reflection in the mirror. Her mind wandered back to that day in 1993 to the girl in her hotel room twirling in front of a mirror in her wedding dress. The naïve little girl so young and innocent , so determined to not have a marriage like her parents but instead to have a happy loving relationship with the man of her dreams. Oh how that girl had disappeared, vanished under the layers of pain, gone replaced by a ghost made up of broken dreams and failed promises. That little girl so excited about her future, so excited about her future happiness was gone ….. she had gotten to the Whitehouse , she walked the corridors of power but it didn't matter , nothing mattered anymore.

She glanced over at his side of the closet, it was empty. She wanted to believe that he was off somewhere doing something presidential but in all honesty he was probably off screwing Olivia Pope. Every time she thought of them she felt a tiny piece of her die. She had known for a year, when she first found out her heart had shattered in a million pieces. She had wanted to break down right there on the floor of the oval, but she couldn't. She was first lady and she and a reputation to uphold. Instead she had headed to the bathroom, turned the shower on to the hottest setting and stood under it for hours. She had felt so broken and numb she hadn't even noticed the scalding hot water burning her skin. She just fell to the floor of the shower and sobbed. She curled up in a ball and sobbed for hours. At one point she had grabbed her razor and considered it .It would be so easy, one swoop and it would all be over. She couldn't do it through….. It was too messy, to many questions it would ruin Fitz's career, and she had given away to many pieces of herself for his career to end because of her selfishness. Instead she had pulled herself up of the floor put on a cocktail dress and headed off to play the whole good wife routine. Although she had left the razor behind, she never forgot that moment in the shower all these years later.

She glanced down at her watch seeing that it was time to go. She slowly slipped on her heels and walked out of the closet turning the lights off for the last time. She walked down the halls she had only dreamed of as a child. Staffers smiled and shot looks of pity , they all knew , everybody knew. She felt her heels click as they hit the marble floors. She had always dreamed about the Whitehouse as her fairytale castle not realizing it was just the crown jewel of the American prison system. She walked to the door of the Whitehouse where the secret service opened it for her leading her to the car where Fitz was waiting. As they drove away she glanced back at the Whitehouse as it disappeared into the distance. As soon as they were closer to the party she decided to finally speak to him without looking at him though.

"Remember that time we went skinny dipping in my pool and then the gardeners came and we had to hide in the guest house for hours because we didn't have clothing" she reminisced

"What about it?" he asked coldly

"Just remember those moments once this is all over"

"What's all over?" he asked

"All this …. Just when it's over please remember that I love … _loved_ you" she said as they pulled into the circle.

"Mellie what are you talking about … what's going on?"Fitz asked as he grabbed her hand

"Explaining's to complicated, there's a letter on your desk in the oval that will do that, just please remember the girl who you married, try to remember her no me please don't remember me." she said as she pulled her land away exiting the limo. Fitz exited as well scanning the cheering crowd trying to figure out what was making Mellie act so strange. He grabbed her hand as they smiled to the crowd. Suddenly he felt her squeeze his hand as a gunshot rang out covering him in blood.


	2. Chapter 2

Hey guys so this is the second/last chapter of the story. Glad some people enjoyed it, now just warning this chapter brought me to tears …. I guess I just love Mellie too much. I know most people hated the last episode but I loved it, I loved how Mellie get her groove back. Hope you enjoy this chapter, thanks for reading and please check out my other stories

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Screams filed the summer air as he felt the blood splatter hitting his face, his neck, his hands, his clothes. Suddenly he felt something slimy fall into his hand glancing down he felt like he was going to be sick. It was a piece of her brain, a piece of his wife's brain was in his hand. Before he could proses this his agents grabbed him and shoved him into the backseat of the limo. As they speed away he began to shake uncontrollably.

"You have to go back you have to get Mellie" he stammered as his hands shook uncontrollably.

"Sir Mellie's fine, she's on route to the hospital and were taking you to the bunker" Hal explained

"No …. I need to go to the hospital …. I need to be with her" he stammered

"Sir we need to get you to the Bunker, the First lady will be fine." Tom reassured

"FINE! I'M COVERED IN HER BLOOD, SHES NOT FINE SO AS YOUR COMANDER IN CHIEF I ORDER YOU TO TAKE ME TO THAT HOSPITAL NOW!" he barked. Tom and Hal glanced at each other. They both knew about him and Olivia, all the secret service knew, so none of them expected this kind of a reaction. Reluctantly they headed to the hospital where he was immediately whisked away to a private waiting room filled with staff and Aides and Cyrus barking order. The second he walked through the door everyone stopped what they were doing to look at the president his face smeared in blood standing in the doorway.

"Mr. President are you okay? You have blood all over" Cyrus asked walking up to him

"It's Mellie's" he said softly

"Right … of course …is there anything you need Mr. President?" Cyrus asked quietly.

"There is actually" he said his mind floating back to the conversation in the Limo "I need you to go back to the Whitehouse and get a letter in the top desk drawer the oval" he explained

"A letter?" Cyrus asked confused at what was going on

"Yes …. Go now and get it for me … that's an order."

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30 minutes later

Fitz sat on the sofa in his private waiting room. The TV was on and all they were talking about was the shooting. They were reporting that there was one gun shot. He felt like there had been more but then again the whole experience was one big blur. Suddenly he was snapped out of his trance by a doctor calling his name.

"Mr. President" she said softly

"How is she? How's the baby?" he asked not really wanting to know the answer

"The baby's fine … we performed an emergency C section. It all went well and he seems perfectly healthy, he'll have to stay here for a bit because he's so premature but he'll be fine." She informed

"That… that's good, what about Mellie?" He asked

"I'm so sorry Mr. President, She didn't make it, the bullet killed her instantly, and there was nothing we could do." She informed him as he felt like somebody had punched him in the gut. He felt sick …. She was dead, his wife was dead.

"Um … sir if you would like to see your son I could show you where"

"Uh …. Yes please" he said as the nurse led him down the hall past the medical staff and hospital workers staring at him. Soon he was in front of a large window staring in a large room full of baby's in little incubators. He stared at the little blue bundle in the back …. His son …. His baby.

Suddenly he felt a tap on his shoulder as he turned around to see Cyrus standing their letter in hand. He quickly dismissed Cyrus and sat down on the couch unfolding the letter.

Dear Fitz,

If you've have this letter it means I'm dead, at least I hope I am , though considering my track record with suicides I might not be. You're probably wondering when else have I tried to kill myself. I'll explain that in a minute but first I just want to talk to you. I know that a million thoughts are probably going through your head right now so let me explain. I sent that assassin to kill myself. That's why I wanted that stupid party. Now you know you probably think I'm a heartless monster for leaving the kids but I know deep down this is better. Think about how broken we were coming from houses with such awful parents. Growing up I would have given everything to not have parents who hated each other so much. I'm trying to protect them from the childhoods that we had. It's funny, I remember when you proposed under the Santa Monica pier you told me we would never be like our parents and look where we are now. I realized that Jerry and Karen and the new baby would never know what it's like to have happy parents with me still on this earth. I know that they will love Olivia for she is a perfect person with whom I could never compete. I hope that you and she are happy after I killed myself to give you to a future. You see America will be so enthralled with your dating life and subsequent marriage. There will be no scandal because your first wife is dead and well you can't morn forever. That won't be a problem though considering that you will probably move Olivia into the Whitehouse the day of my funeral. You and her can have a whole life together, no strings no baggage, I made sure of that, I made sure that you would get everything you wanted. Now if you haven't already diched this letter to go race of to Olivia's I need you to read the rest. Now as I write this letter waiting for 7:00 pm when we leave for the party. It's kind of weird to know that I will never be back to this stupid Whitehouse. It seems like such a waste considering how much I have given to get us here. I know I've always told you that but never explained what exactly I gave up … until now. You see 12 years ago when we were visiting your father in Santa Barbra he forced himself on me. Why didn't I tell you? Because I was scared and ashamed, because I knew if you found out you would kill him and then I would be alone. I tried to move on , to just continue on with my life as if it never even happened. I was doing an okay job until I found out I was pregnant. I don't know if Jerry is your son, I got a paternity test a few years ago but I was too scared to open it. After that I just couldn't do it, I couldn't let you touch me because every touch felt like I was being raped all over again. Every time I looked at the baby I felt like he was still violating me. That is what made me this way that is what made me so cold. I realized that I couldn't feel happiness or joy because if I let those emotions in I would also have to let in the pain and the heartbreak. I let myself lock my emotions until the girl you married disappeared beneath the layers of pain. One day I tried to escape this pain but it didn't work, I didn't die. It was stupid anyway, pills are not the right way to go, they cause too much of a scandal. A gunshot on the other hand is different. It will kill you in an instant and will deceive the world. Your probably wondering how a person could do that, take their own life well the truth is that I realized that I could never complete with Olivia. You see she is kind and optimistic and gentle, all the things I used to be. Every time I see the two of you together, every time I think of you and her a part of me dies so I decide to let one bullet do it instantly to save a lot of people a lot of heartbreak. Before I go I just want to ask you to not treat Jerry any differently if he doesn't happen to be yours. He didn't ask for this, his isn't his fault and it's not my fault either, it's your fathers fault , he ruined out marriage … he killed us.


End file.
